Becoming an anti-Scientologist
Well obviously with me going to Hollwood for the summer, there's a big buzz going around about whether or not I'll take the plunge and join Scientology. A fair point, since I'm a sociopathic liar that has a penchant for making shit up. But no, no, I don't think Scientology is where my calling lies. I'm thinking about becoming an anti-Scientologist. And not someone who thinks the religion is fake or whatever. I'm going to be taking the side of Xenu, the alien ruler of the Galactic Confederacy. He sounds like a guy with big aspirations, and I can respect that. So whether you want to label me anti-Scientology, or pro-Xenu, just don't pit me against Tom Cruise, because while he may be a bit nutty/brilliant, I'll be damned if I still don't see his movies every summer.
posted by Benjamin at 8:48 PM
1 Comments:
Ben, please die in a fire.
Here's a little sketch for ya, guy.
Int. Shitty Production Office. Day.
Ben Simpson, a young new intern arrives. He nervously attempts to get the secretary's attention.
Ben: Um, hi...
Secretary: What?
Ben: I said...hi...I'm an intern.
Sec: Uh-huh.
Ben: I'm working for, I think his name is Dan.
Sec: Okay, well Dan's in a meeting right now. You can start by helping me file these tax forms.
Ben: Oh, well, um, actually I went to SMG at BU which is a really good management school, so if you don't mind, I think I'd like to start producing movies now.
Sec: Uh-huh.
(ben eats a sandwich)
Fade to:
Int. Shitty Production Office. Hours Later.
Ben is helping the cleaning woman do the windows.
Ben: It's amazing how when you do this properly the windows don't streak.
Cleaning Woman: Uh-huh.
Enter DAN, Ben's boss and over minor player in the Hollywood scene. His tie is wrinkled.
Secretary: Dan, this is Ben, he's going to be your intern.
Dan: Oh, okay, great. Alright, Ben, ready to start?
Ben: Yeah, can't wait!
Dan: Well, great. I'm going to need a big box of coffee for a meeting I'm having, would you mind running down to get it for us? You have a car here, right?
Ben: Well, actually I just take the bus.
Dan: Okay, listen shithead, you're going to need a fucking car. I don't care where you get one, but there's no way I'm letting you pick up my dry cleaning in a fucking bus, got it, shitstick?
Ben: But I went to SMG!!!
Dan: Alright, get the fuck out of my office.
Cut to:
Ben on the bus with coffee and doughnuts.
Cut to:
Ben reading really shitty scripts no one else wants to read. He struggles to write coverage because he doesn't know how to use the English language.
Cut to:
Ben dies in a fire.
Post a Comment
<< Home