All I asked for was a bottle of ketchup
"Hey guy, I'm dieing here. Can you finagle me a bottle of ketchup? Or catsup, I'll even take catsup."
The waiter looked apprehensive, "Sir...ketchup, for your dry aged Steak au Poivre with Courvoisier cream sauce?"
"Yes, goddamn it! What do I look like to you; some uneducated hick? A rodeo clown? A handicapped person with some obvious physical atrocity? I want that fucking ketchup, right fucking now. I asked for it ten minutes ago."
"Sir there's really no need to yell. I just thought that the young man might find the ketchup a poor choice of tastes for such a fine steak."
"Poor ch-ch-ch-choice?!?!" He stands up, flips over the table, breaking everything, ruining his meal as well as his fellow diners'. "Listen asshole, I've had enough of your snide bullshit. It's been going on the whole fucking time I've been here. It took FOREVER to get the Cheese Whiz for my salad, and I KNOW I heard you laugh when I asked if the kitchen had anything in the way of alphabet soup. You're fucking dead."
He lunges, but slips on his own steak.
Looking down at the sad ketchup enthusiast, "Okay sir, NOW I'm going to get the manager, and we're going to call the police."
The young man attempted to pick himself up from the floor, but as he started, he urinated uncontrollably, and figured "What the heck?" and fell back down. Someone nearby spat at the fellow. The police arrived soon, and other patrons began flocking from the area (partly because of the uncomfortable scene, but mostly beacuse of the piss that was all over the floor). As the young man was led out of the restaurant in handcuffs, another waiter walks past him to the former site of the gentleman's meal.
"Someone asked for ketchup?"
The waiter looked apprehensive, "Sir...ketchup, for your dry aged Steak au Poivre with Courvoisier cream sauce?"
"Yes, goddamn it! What do I look like to you; some uneducated hick? A rodeo clown? A handicapped person with some obvious physical atrocity? I want that fucking ketchup, right fucking now. I asked for it ten minutes ago."
"Sir there's really no need to yell. I just thought that the young man might find the ketchup a poor choice of tastes for such a fine steak."
"Poor ch-ch-ch-choice?!?!" He stands up, flips over the table, breaking everything, ruining his meal as well as his fellow diners'. "Listen asshole, I've had enough of your snide bullshit. It's been going on the whole fucking time I've been here. It took FOREVER to get the Cheese Whiz for my salad, and I KNOW I heard you laugh when I asked if the kitchen had anything in the way of alphabet soup. You're fucking dead."
He lunges, but slips on his own steak.
Looking down at the sad ketchup enthusiast, "Okay sir, NOW I'm going to get the manager, and we're going to call the police."
The young man attempted to pick himself up from the floor, but as he started, he urinated uncontrollably, and figured "What the heck?" and fell back down. Someone nearby spat at the fellow. The police arrived soon, and other patrons began flocking from the area (partly because of the uncomfortable scene, but mostly beacuse of the piss that was all over the floor). As the young man was led out of the restaurant in handcuffs, another waiter walks past him to the former site of the gentleman's meal.
"Someone asked for ketchup?"
posted by Benjamin at 2:09 AM
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